How to stop being a nice guy without being an idiot?
No one wants to admit that he is the "nice guy" that others always overtake, or is ignored, or never taken seriously.
Show key points
- Being the "nice guy" often backfires when kindness is used with the hidden agenda of seeking attention or rewards.
- To change your situation, you must first acknowledge the problem and be willing to make honest personal changes.
- Stop doing kind acts with expectations; authentic interest in people is far more appealing than calculated niceness.
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- Standing up for yourself and expressing your opinions confidently will earn you more respect than silent agreement.
- True kindness comes from genuine intention, not from a desire for recognition or future leverage.
- Low self-esteem often drives people to seek validation through unnecessary self-sacrifice, rather than self-improvement.
- Trying to compensate by becoming arrogant or aggressive will not make you more likable; the key is being confident, respectful, and sincere.
You may want to think that the nice things you do will eventually pay off, but they actually never do.
If you want your situation to change, you need to be prepared to admit to yourself that there is a problem. You need to be prepared to make some personal changes and make an effort to reshape the way you think about yourself and how you relate to others.
1. Stop expecting something in return:
Don't be that person who buys someone a drink and then you feel offended if that person doesn't want to give you their number.
Stop doing "nice" things to get someone's attention, and start putting yourself in situations where you can get to know people without feeling as if you have to attract them by doing something for them.
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When someone does something for you just to get something in return, it seems very exposed. This prompts others to immediately put their defenses down.
People like to feel that the person who wants to get to know them wants to do it just because they are really interested in them. You will be more attractive if you do not seem desperate or need to attract someone's attention.
2- Defend yourself:
If you think you deserve a chance for something, take a chance and express it.
If you want to be noticed in a social or work environment, don't disappear into the background. Choose the moments that are right for you, but don't be afraid to disagree and defend yourself if you have a strong conviction in something.
As long as you're not hostile, people will respect you more for being honest and true about how you feel, rather than agreeing with anyone else just because you think you're being "nice."
In relationships, if you think you're being exploited and treated unfairly, say so. Nothing will change unless you stand up for yourself and say what you feel.
3. Don't be nice unless you really mean it:
Being nice doesn't mean getting a reward. True kindness is without expecting recognition or getting something in return. You do it out of kindness because you want to see someone else's life improve.
When you do a real good deed, you feel comfortable doing your best to do something for someone. You don't keep a record in your head of times you've done something good towards him with the goal of using this against him in the future.
Being a nice person is something everyone should strive for, but there is a difference between being a nice person and being nicknamed a "nice guy."
Start by being more authentic in your actions and more honest in expressing interest. Before you agree to do something for someone else, ask yourself the question: "If no one knew what you're doing for that person, would you do it? If yes, go ahead, otherwise don't try to be what you're not.
4- Work on your self-esteem:
If you're honest with yourself, much of what motivates you to do things for others is your low self-opinion. You're not nice because you really want to, but to draw attention, because you don't think you'll be noticed for any other reason.
Maybe you think you don't look good enough, or you're not as physically looking as you want to be now compared to other people, so you have to do something else until you're noticed.
You find it difficult to live up to the stereotypical criteria that make a man attractive. You're not the "cute" guy with a loud personality, so you take the quieter route, which is to be the one who does nice things for everyone in the hope that they like you instead.
The problem with being that person is that people will reveal what you are doing. They know that your actions are not heartfelt and done with the intention of impressing them, and they likely won't appreciate it.
Instead of spending all your time on others, start spending more time on yourself, so you can start being the man you really want.
5. Don't be an idiot:
One of the saddest things that can happen is when the "nice guy" starts acting like an idiot.
This usually happens when he is upset by being ignored, and thinks that when he becomes an arrogant man, who sees with his own eyes how he gets all the attention, everything will begin to improve for him.
But this does not happen! The simple reason for this is that he does not realize the difference between being assertive and being hateful.
You can be kind, assertive and confident at the same time. You can make an effort to be nice to people while keeping boundaries with them. The best types of men are those who try to be the best version of themselves.
Trust your own worth, so that people can't help but notice you, want to get to know you, and talk to you just because of who you are. Embody the "nice guy" in the right way.
If you remain humble enough to remain kind to people when they need you, and confident enough to continue striving for what you want, this is the combination that will help you become the successful person you want.
