Communication killers: 6 habits that hold you back

Communication - this is what life is all about. That's what all interactions are all about. Poor communication with your customers can lose the project. Poor communication with family and friends can create large gaps and intermittent relationships.

For something we do all the time, you might think we're going to be geniuses at communicating. Unfortunately, we make so many mistakes. These mistakes harm our communication because communication is only successful if the person on the other end already understands what we are trying to say.

If you can avoid these mistakes, you will improve your communication skills and therefore your relationships.

Assumption of malice

Never assume malice where ignorance can be the answer."

It's time to start living these words with the people around you. Do you really think your boyfriend was rude to you on purpose last night? After 10 years of knowing each other, they chose to be mean?

I don't think so, but why are you angry? That's because you assumed malice in their actions even if they were hypothetically unconscious.

They probably didn't realize their accent was rude, and if they knew you were angry they would say sorry. Sit down and talk to them about it, and clear the air. Start by assuming they didn't realize it, and keep that relationship strong.

Simply wait for your turn to talk

We love to tell stories about ourselves. We love to tell stories that make us feel important even if they don't concern us. The problem is that the stories we tell are often actually just a quiz to see who has the "winning" story right now.

Your friend caught a big fish, and you know a man who caught a bigger fish. Then they have a story about a crazy fishing day, and you have a crazier day. The episodes continue as you wait for your turn to tell a story that amazes the other.

Yes, these storytelling times can be fun. You'll laugh at the absurdity of some stories when you tell your trouble, but they're missing something much deeper as you're simply waiting for your turn to tell a bigger and better story.

What the people around you really want is to be heard. They want to tell their story and ask you questions. You can tell that they're done when they start asking you questions. Learn to wait for it and you will find much deeper communication.

Poor choice of your words

Hi, we're here to learn how to sell better, which means we're making more money. Money is what the truth is all about. It's not like we're saving dolphins or anything else.

In The Advantage of Happiness by Sean Anchor he tells that story before talking about happiness. Through the above words, the manager told the people in the room that their job is not actually meaningful, like saving dolphins. You will be able to measure the decline in the performance of this team for several months.

One set of poorly chosen words can kill a potential deal with a potential client. Bad words can create a chasm with friends that can take months to bridge.

Choose your words carefully. People want to do something valuable. They want to be seen as important, and they want to be taken care of. When you say anything that implies that they don't represent these blind things to you, you're undermining the relationship, potentially causing damage that will take a long time to repair.

But that's how I am.

But that's how I speak."

I'm sure you heard that from an acquaintance. And I say acquaintance because you never went deep into the relationship. They were simply rude.

Saying that your communication style is "just as you are" is an excuse for bad behavior. We are all able to learn to communicate more effectively. Stop making excuses and start learning to communicate with others better.

Multitasking

You know that multitasking is terrible for you. It reduces your concentration and makes you do 5 tasks poorly instead of doing one well. Why do you do that when you have coffee with someone? In the middle of dinner, you pull out your phone just to check things out, and all this shows disrespect for the person you're talking to. Their importance is not enough to attract your attention.

The strategy my wife and I use is simply to replace phones at night. The babysitter can still call us, but none of us can verify anything because we don't have our phones.

When it comes to meetings with clients, put that phone or laptop away. Pull out a paper notebook and take notes on it. Taking notes on paper has been shown to increase material retention, so use this to your advantage, keep your electronic devices away, and focus on your customer.

Keep your devices away when your meeting with someone builds a relationship of trust?

Conflict avoidance

Conflict is difficult, which is why it is called conflict. Many of us want to have easy relationships. Once we need to make the effort, we want to hide.

Even with those who are really close to us, we avoid conflict. Instead of addressing a problem directly as soon as it arises, we pretend that disagreement does not occur. This conflict still exists when you wake up the next day. All you do is give it time to turn into something bigger by adding more minor flaws on top of the "hidden" problem. It won't go away if left long enough, and it will explode into something 100 times larger than it used to be.

I had a client last year, and we weren't happy with how it went. In fact, we didn't like working together, and we were thinking about moving away. Then we made a phone call and spent 20 minutes talking about these issues. We each left the call happy, and this lone customer made 20% of my revenue last year. All it took was a bit of a tiring call, where I looked into the problems in depth, and came up with a plan to move forward.

Make sure with your customers to broadcast any issues as quickly as possible. With your important relationships, schedule time to talk simply. Let them know in advance what you want to talk about, and spend some time investing in the relationship until it becomes stronger.

We all want to hear, and deep down we want to hear those around us. The only way we can do this is to reduce the mistakes we make when communicating. With these tips you can get better communication with your customers, colleagues and in the relationships around you.